Welcome to Chick Chat With God!
Over the past year, God has led me in a different direction. I am currently devoting all my energy to Gender Development & Women's Advocacy in 3rd World Countries. You can follow my travels and experiences via Twitter @Gabigurl.
I will leave the blog up in hopes that people continue to be encouraged by it. ~ Gabrielle
I have had a serious crush on Batman since he first appeared in my eight-year-old life during Saturday morning cartoons. He was so brave and good. He was unlike all the other superheroes who had the power to run faster than a speeding bullet, or leap buildings in a single bound, or spin webs. Batman was just a man helping people by fighting for good. He had no super-human powers, just some really cool toys.
My Batman crush continued to this latest series of Batman movies: although I must state that strongly prefer Dark Knight over Batman Begins. I realize that Dark Knight is dark, Joker is pure evil, and not everyone (especially us frou-frou girl-types) liked the movie. But what struck me was the final scene of the movie. The people desperately need a hero, but the White Knight was corrupted by the Joker. The only hero left is Batman. But the people demand a fall-guy, and rather than expose the corruption of the White Knight, he takes the responsibility on himself. He chooses to be hated by the people for the good of the people.
The final scene in the movie has Batman being hunted by the very people he tried to help, it closes with these words:
Batman: “Evil cannot win. Gotham needs a true hero. I am whatever Gotham needs me to be.”
Commissioner Gordon: “Batman is the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him, not because he did anything wrong, but because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a single guardian, a watchful protector. The Dark Knight."
Blame it on my daily readings in Matthew, or my over-active little-girl-crush, but I cannot shake the correlation between those closing statements and the Christian life. We modern girls hace a serious case of American-itus. We want to fit in, we want to be liked, we want approval. Bring liked isn’t bad, but compromising beliefs, values, and convictions to be liked is. That is what I love about Christian Bale’s Batman character – he isn’t afraid to be hated. He stands for what is right and doesn’t change that to be liked.
That is who we are to be as Christians. Strong, confident, and determined to do what is right no matter what people think or the persecution that ensues. If you hold firmly to the truths of scripture and proclaim the Gospel of Christ, you will be hated.
The Gospel of Christ is not about being liked.
Matthew 24:9 says, “Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for my name's sake.”
Matthew 10:34-39“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
Do not be afraid to proclaim the Gospel of Christ:
Romans 1:16 “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.”
Matthew 10:27-33 “What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."
God will give you the words to say, your part is simply saying them.
Matthew 10:16-22
“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Beware of men, for they will deliver you over to courts and flog you in their synagogues, and you will be dragged before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them and the Gentiles. When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. Brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death, and you will be hated by all for my name's sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.”
When faced with hatred for our beliefs in Christ, why do we change them to be liked? Why do we say nothing?
The world desperately needs someone-something worth hating.
Because they hate what is different, they hate what they don’t understand, they hate what makes them feel guilty.
They need Jesus Christ, and if we have to be hated so that they can hear the Gospel…so be it.
Because our purpose in this modern girl world is not to be liked, but to spread the message of Jesus Christ.
In the movie, Batman chose to be hated by the people for the good of the people. In this modern girl world, we must decide to be hated by the world, to take a stand as a follower of Christ, so that by our witness the world may know Christ.
Be the hero this world needs; be willing to be hated and share the truth to anyone who will listen.
I have been deeply, horrifically hurt before. I am talking about being eviscerated by the actions and inactions of someone I once called a friend. I was sad, hurt, and mad, but most of all, I was disappointed that a friend would choose to hurt me like that. It was a wound so deep I doubted recovery was possible. I alternated fits of rage and torrents of tears for twenty-four hours.
After the worst twenty-four hours of my life, I collapsed from exhaustion and prayed for God to make it go away. He didn’t. Instead, He began to speak. He showed me that I was at a crossroads: bitterness or forgiveness. I could choose to hate this friend and that hate would turn me into a bitter woman, would wedge itself between me and God, and would forever bind me to that person in hate. Or, I could choose to forgive. Forgiveness is the harder choice. It takes strength beyond human capacity. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit, every second of every day, to do something so foreign to the human nature. And the kicker is, that forgiveness is not a one-time decision, but a new mindset. A mind transformed by the Holy Spirit.
Somewhere around hour twenty-six, I decided to forgive. It was the only way I could ever be free of the one who had so deeply wounded me. But how to forgive? Saying the words isn’t enough. How do I practice a lifestyle of forgiveness?
Being the nerd that I am, I decided that researching forgiveness was the way to go. Forgiveness is a characteristic of God, so it stands to reason that He would be the one to ask about it. I pulled out my Bible, concordance, and several commentaries and went to work.
Here is what I found:
God’s Forgiveness of Us: Jer. 33:8 “I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: God forgives sin that is specifically committed against Him.
Our Forgiveness of Others: Mt. 6:12-15 “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors…for if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father in heaven forgive you.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: I forgive so that I may be forgiven by God.
What that means about the Person I must forgive: Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who wronged you.
God’s Forgiveness of Us: Ps. 32:5 “I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: God forgives the sinful nature that led to the sin as well as the specific sin.
Our Forgiveness of Others: Mt. 18:35 “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: Forgiveness is a heart condition/attitude, not a one-time-thing
What that means about the Person I must forgive: Forgiveness is given whether they are sorry or not.
God’s Forgiveness of Us: Ps. 130:4 “But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: God is known for His forgiveness, part of his reputation
Our Forgiveness of Others: Mt. 18:21-22 “Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: Forgiveness is continual and as limitless as God’s grace.
What that means about the Person I must forgive: The number or repetition of wrongs has nothing to do with my forgiveness.
God’s Forgiveness of Us: Lk. 23:34 “And Jesus said, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: God forgave those who never realized how their sin hurt Him.
Our Forgiveness of Others: Mk. 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: Forgive, for renewed unity between you and God
What that means about the Person I must forgive: Forgiveness is not about the forgivee, but is between the forgiver’s (you and God).
God’s Forgiveness of Us: Acts 10:43 “To him all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: Forgiveness comes through the name (power) of Jesus Christ.
Our Forgiveness of Others: Lk. 7:47 “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven-for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: I forgive based on my love for God over my love for personal vengeance
What that means about the Person I must forgive: Forgiveness has NOTHING to do with the one who wronged me.
God’s Forgiveness of Us: Eph. 1:7-8 “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: God lavishes forgiveness on the sinner.
Our Forgiveness of Others: Lk. 11:4 “And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: Live in a spirit of forgiveness.
What that means about the Person I must forgive: Forgiveness is based on what God did for me, not how sorry someone is.
God’s Forgiveness of Us: Col. 1:14 “In whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: God’s forgiveness gives power to the sinner to change their ways.
Our Forgiveness of Others: Eph. 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: Part of being like my Savior, is being forgiving.
What that means about the Person I must forgive: Me practicing the character of Christ has nothing to do with the forgivee.
God’s Forgiveness of Us: Heb 9:22 “Indeed, under the law almost everything is purified with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: Forgiveness requires sacrifice on the part of the forgiver.
Our Forgiveness of Others: Col. 3:13 “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
What that reveals about forgiveness: Forgiveness is not an option, it is a command from God. To not forgive is to sin.
What that means about the Person I must forgive: Forgiveness is about obeying God, don’t let someone who wronged you cause you to sin too.
God’s Forgiveness of Us: 1 Jn. 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
What that means about the Person I must forgive: God is faithful to forgive, not b/c of the sinner, but b/c of His nature.
God’s Forgiveness of Us: 1 Jn. 2:12 “I am writing to you, little children, because your sins are forgiven for his name’s sake."
What that means about the Person I must forgive: The purpose of forgiveness is the glorification of God, not letting the other person off the hook.
I know that is incredibly wordy, sorry – but if you are at all familiar with my blog you know wordiness comes with the territory! J Let me summarize: Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who wronged you. Forgiveness is given whether they are sorry or not. The number or repetition of wrongs has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about the forgivee, but is between the forgiver’s (you and God). Forgiveness has NOTHING to do with the one who wronged you. Forgiveness is based on what God did for you, not how sorry someone is. You living out the character of Christ has nothing to do with the forgivee. The purpose of forgiveness is the glorification of God, not letting the other person off the hook. Forgiveness is about obeying God, don’t let someone who wronged you cause you to sin too.
That’s a lot to handle, huh?
Yeah, I know. I got to put all of that into practice. So not easy!
I printed up all those verses on forgiveness in a spreadsheet; a pink and scented spreadsheet, of course. And I kept the verses in my purse and read them anytime I felt angry or bitter or even sad.
Months went by and my grandmother called. She asked how the forgiveness thing was going. I was feeling quite proud of myself, with the whole verse thing. Then she asked me if I was praying for my former friend who had caused the whole mess. I told her no, cause any prayers I would pray would be for hair to fall out or toes to grow together…. Not so nice prayers, for sure! My sweet little southern Grandmother told me flat out that if I couldn’t pray for the person, I had not forgiven them. So I tried to pray, I really did. But my heart wasn’t in it. So I went to my pastor and asked him to recommend several verses of blessing that I could pray verbatim. That was the only way something nice was going to come out of my mouth. I begin to pray those verses, everyday, for my former friend. Within a month of the combined praying and forgiveness-verse-reading, I was free. True forgiveness had set me free.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Ghandhi
Have the strength to forgive.
Stereotypes…*Pretty girl*drama queen*prom queen**straight up queen*girl-next-door*tom-boy**athlete*narc*goth*“friendly”*diva*rich girl**fat girl*nerd*geek (and they are different)**artsy*introvert*invisible*homeschool**popular*unpopular*ugly girl*Stereotypes.
Some girls live by them. Some girls wish they had a different one. But no one denies they exist. I have been stereotyped many times in my life: Christian freak, science nerd, smart girl, ditz, ice queen. None of those stereotypes are me, but they are who someone wants to think I am. The thing is, in order to fit into just one stereotype, I have to give up so much of who I am. Stereotypes are triangles and people are squares: you can only fit in them if you cut off parts of your personhood. And I am just not willing to give up any part of who God created me to be.
So how do you break loose of stereotypes?
Let me tell you a story.
In a fairytale land that never actually existed, was a town full of wooden people. Each little wooden person was different, unique. Some were pretty, some could jump high, some could run very fast. To reward each other for being so wonderful, they gave out stars. Then the little wooden people noticed that there were some people who couldn’t jump or run, and were not pretty at all. And just to make sure those little people knew how untalented they were, the townspeople gave out ugly gray dots.
Everyday the townspeople walked around giving out stars and dots. Jumpers and runners and pretty people got more and more stars, while the clumsy and ugly people got dots. Everyone was known by how many stars and dots they had. A wooden boy was fed up with it. He tried so hard to run fast enough or jump high enough to get stars, but instead he fell and got dots. But how do you break out of the cycle?
Then he met a beautiful wooden girl and she was unlike any girl he had ever seen, for she had no dots and no stars. Some people looked down on her for having no stars and tried to give her a dot, but it wouldn’t stick. Some people applauded her for having no dots and tried to give her a star, but it didn’t stick either. The boy ran up to her and asked how she did it. How did she keep the stars and dots from sticking? She took his hand and led him outside the town, up the hill to the workshop where all the little wooden people were made. Inside, she introduced him to the Carpenter. This is why the stickers don’t stick, she explained. I spend time with the Carpenter, and he reminds me of why he made me and how much he loves me. And the more I know how He made me and loves me just the way I am, the less the dots stick. Then she left the workshop.
The wooden boy was left alone with the Carpenter. They spent an hour talking, and when the boy left the shop, the first dot fell to the ground, unable to stick.
(summary of You are Special by Max Lucado)
Stereotypes only stick if you let them. Be who God made you to be.
The more you know who you are in Christ and how much He loves you, the less the stereotypes will stick. And you will become the girl that can’t be defined by a stereotype, you will be unique, special, and looked up to for that.
Let me introduce you to who you are in Christ.
You are chosen by God. Eph. 1:4
You are adopted by God. Eph. 1:5
You are a child of God in His family. 1 Jn. 3:1
You are forgiven by God for all my sins. 1 Jn. 1:9
You are reconciled to God, in harmony with Him. Rom. 5:10
You are seen by God as holy, blameless and above reproach. Col. 1:21-22.
You are sealed with God’s Holy Spirit. Eph. 1:13
You are called to accomplish God’s purpose. Rom. 8:28, 30.
You are a full citizen among God’s people. Eph. 2:19.
You are justified – declared right in God’s sight. Rom. 5:1.
You are sanctified – set apart by God’s Spirit. 1 Cor. 6:11.
You are redeemed – bought with Christ blood. Eph. 1:7.
You are cleansed by Christ’s blood for all my sins. 1 Jn. 1:7
You are heir of God and joint heir with Christ. Rom. 8:16-17.
You are complete in Christ. Col. 2:10.
You are an ambassador for Christ. 2 Cor. 5:20.
You are being conformed to the character of Christ. Rom. 8:29.
You are priceless – nothing on this earth can buy me, I was bought with a price. 1 Cor. 6:19-20.
You are loved unconditionally for exactly who You are right now. Jn. 15:14
True love is what every girl, no matter how modern, dreams of. But what if a guy loves you, likes you, asks you out and you’re so not into him? Yeah, that love is NOT what dreams are made of. All modern girls, Christian or not, have been asked out at some point. Sometimes the guy of your dreams finally notices you, asks you out, and you live happily ever after with 2.5 kids. Most of the time that is not what happens. Usually he is a great guy just not right for you (okay, sometimes he turns out to be stalker-freaky, but that is the exception….hopefully).
THE TRUTH: He will be hurt when you say no.
Lets face it, if a guy asks you out….he likes you. Liking someone means putting yourself out there. His emotions are involved. He has thought over the possibility of some sort of future with you (not necessarily forever after, but future dates, or just a date). He mustered up the courage to declare himself and ask you out. He doesn’t want you to say no. Duh. But if you aren’t “feeling it” then do not say yes and let him think that you are. My point is – he will be a little crushed. He is not going to enjoy the rejection. He won't consider any action on your part to turn him down a "nice" thing; but you can do it in a classy way that gets it over as quickly as possible, salvages his ego as much as possible considering the situation, and allows for later friendship (once he has a new girl to date).
As a modern Christian girl, a daughter of God, a sister in Christ, and the girl who was asked out – this is your duty!
A Word from the Guys:
Guy 1: Be simple. I'm a guy; I don’t need a long explanation and eighty apologies. Simply say thanks and then tell me the truth: “I'm not into you.” Guys need direct information in a specific way (don’t be vague). Because is there is even the slightest positive feedback, we start reading into things and get our hopes up. Be honest, please.
Guy 2: It’s funny, I hate confrontation and the whole up-front thing, but that is what I need most from a girl I ask out. I don’t really catch on to subtlety. You need to come out and directly tell me you aren't interested. I am going to pursue until I get you or you take yourself out of the game. I may even come off as stalker-ish, but I really don’t mean to. I just want to make sure you know how much I like you. If I make you uncomfortable, tell me! Ask me to stop. I am not a glutton for punishment, I’ll stop – promise! Please don’t be cruel, I was crushed as a teenager by a girl’s very explicit, very derogatory rejection. Be gentle but firm; and, above all, be honest.
Guy 3: You gotta get it in your head that there is no nice way to turn a guy down. He isn’t doing to like it. I think the best way would be to tell him how you actually feel. Don't lie. Tell him that but that you don't feel a connection to him or whatever. Be upfront and honest (not brutally honest, just honest) and he'll get over it. He'll move on to the next girl soon enough.Guy 4: If a guy asks you out and your gut reaction is “no,” just say no from the beginning. Too many girls don’t want to hurt a guy’s feelings and end up leading him on. Being lead on is the worst. Please don’t!
No "I'm too busy," or "I'm not looking for a relationship right now," or anything avoidancy.A Word from a girl: aka...Gabrielle
Once upon a time when I was very young in the dating world, I was approached by a friend of several months with a love letter. It was beautiful, completely from the heart, and sweet. But I had no interest in him. So I panicked. Total freak-out drama-queen melt-down. What should I do? How can I look him in the eye? Do we have to sit down and talk about this? Ahhhhhh!!!! Thankfully, my accountability partner, Cheri, was nearby and noticed that I was about to pass out from sheer panic. She hauled me to a private place and gave me a talking to. Cheri said there are four things you need to cover in your response. First, thank you - this is an honor! Second, your respect for him as a friend. Third, your feelings about him pursuing you. Fourth, thank him again for the honor. I followed her instructions to the letter, ha, literally. And you know, it wasn’t fun at all. I got a little sick to my stomach. But I can look him in the eye today with no regrets. I responded as his sister in Christ, I took the classy road (in high heels).
Classy Behavior:
Respond to him in the same way he asked you out. If it was in person, tell him no in person. If it was over email, write him an email. Same goes with phone and facebook. (If you get a text; tell him to grow up.) Cheri’s four steps have not failed me yet, so I highly recommend following this model, but make it yours!
1) Being asked out, by anyone, is a huge complement to you. So recognize that complement by saying thank you. After all, he did have the guts to face rejection just to ask you out. Be flattered.
2) State your feelings toward him as a person. Separate that from your feelings about him as a potential date. Do you respect him as a brother in Christ, value him as a friend, love him like a brother. If you loath him, leave this sentence out. Don’t be ugly, that is trashy. He won’t like any of these compliments now, but looking back he will know he is still important to you. You can always respect him for the strength and courage it took to ask you out.
3) Be very clear about your feelings about dating him. This is not the time to be nice, or wander around the issue. I do not feel the same way about you, I do not return your feelings, I am not at that place…But be CLEAR. DON’T YOU DARE lead on a guy who was man enough to ask you out – I will come through this computer and snatch you bald headed!
4) Thank him again for the honor of him liking you. Of all the girls in the whole wide world, he asked YOU out. That is a compliment. It means that he sees something special in you. View the situation as a complement, not an “oh no, not again!” situation.
Classy Mindset:
View him as a brother in Christ (or a potential brother in Christ). You are his sister in the family of God and should treat him as such.
Matthew 7:12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Luke 6:31 “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” 1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” Romans 12:9-10 “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
Classy Results:
He will need a few weeks to digest and recover. Then he will be fine and ready to ask someone else out. At this point, the man is ready for friendship. Let him initiate the first contact, since he was the one hurt. But if you want to remain friends, don’t let months pass without any contact. Don’t be weird, resume your relationship. If you do this well, one day it will be a hilarious story for the two of you to laugh over.
Tacky Behavior:
Ignoring him: the easiest, and most juvenile thing to do is ignore his phone calls, delete his emails, and duck behind friends when he walks by. Tacky, tacky, tacky. He will get the hint eventually, but it will hurt way more because you let him hope for so long, you didn’t value him enough as a person to just tell the truth, and you did what was best (easiest) for you rather than for all involved. This behavior is seventh grade and only proves to him that you were not the woman he thought you were. Don’t be a child about dating, be a woman.
Leading him on: you aren’t cruel, you don’t want to hurt him, but the constant pursuit is driving you crazy. So you tell him you can’t right now. DON’T you DARE lead him on by tacking “right now” to the end of your explanation. If there isn’t potential, there isn’t potential. Don’t tell him “no for now” to soften the blow. If he doesn’t have a chance with you, don’t give him hope that he does. That is cruel. And ungodly. And so every awful High School Movie ever made!
Apologizing: This is for the “I’m sorry people.” They feel it is there fault for not liking the guy. The honest truth, you can’t force like. If you don’t feel the same way he does, let him know and move on. Apologizing for not being able to like him is a slap in the face. He was man enough to admit to his feelings, be woman enough to own up to yours. It is not your responsibility to like every guy that asks you out, it is however, your responsibility as a woman of God to be honest with them.
Tacky Get-Lost Lines:
“A slow dance with my dad sounds a little more exciting than a date with you.”“I try to make a habit of dating people I have things in common with...sorry.”“Sweetie, the idea of kissing you makes me vomit a little in the back of my mouth.”"What did you say your name was again? Do I know you?
An immature girl: takes the easy way out, does what is easiest for her no matter how badly it hurts the guy, avoids him for the rest of her life, turns all her friends against him, pretends he doesn’t exist, and turns a little “no” into a huge drama.
A woman: puts the guys feelings first even though addressing the issue is uncomfortable, is honest about her feelings, doesn’t feel guilty for a lack of feelings, continues to love the guy through her actions as a brother in the Lord, and walks away with no regrets and no enemies.
God created you a woman, act like one.
